Siena

Years ago when my book club was just getting going, we read a book about a woman traveling Europe solo for several months. She embraces her freedom (was it after a divorce or just empty nest?) and at each stop on her itinerary would write herself postcards reflecting on her journey. She would begin each of these "Dear Alice," followed with haughty (and what I thought were silly) descriptions of the delicious crumpet she was eating, glistening with apricot jam, while overlooking the cobblestone streets of some small town in England. (Kathy Cook knows what I'm talking about. I think she was the only other one in the group bothered by these.) What I found to be silly and self-congratulatory missives to oneself... I hope this blog doesn't come off that way. As a "Dear Krista,"... Ug.

At the risk of doing just that, though, I have decided to write about my own profundity amidst the rooftops of Siena.

You could say I had a moment. (Feel free to look away...)

I climbed the 131 steps to experience the Panorama del Faciatone (I promise I'll stop counting steps soon) next to Il Duomo, the largest church I've ever seen. The Panorama offers, well, a panoramic view of Siena and the neighboring countryside. I was lucky the rain had ceased the day before. I had sunny, clear and COLD skies. It was all red tiled roofs, rolling green hills and ancient city walls. It was so quiet up there and I had no agenda so I decided to stay a while. Since I often find myself needing to do something while doing something else (like, listen to an audiobook while trudging around Paris or reading while eating dinner... alone) I chose to listen to a meditation podcast. Here's where we get, uh, "deep"?

The meditation called for counting your blessings, starting with small things like appreciating the simple act of breathing, your eyes for what they see and ears for what they hear, your mouth for the sensations of eating and talking and kissing, your arms to hold and lift and your legs to dangle or run or dance. It called for me to meditate on who my champions are- the ones that support me, love me, the ones that are rooting for me to succeed. Here the guide said not to focus on those who don't support you and honestly, I couldn't think of one single person who isn't rooting for me. How lucky am I?

Then the guide asked who has contributed to me being here? What advantages have I been given in life? Who do I feel lucky to have close to me? To love? The meditation urged me to reflect on these things and be grateful for all these elements allowing me to be where I am and who I am today.

It was pretty amazing. I was thinking about this spot on the earth I occupied in that second and the millions of people who have stood there as well over centuries past. I thought about how far away from home I am. I looked up into the clear blue sky above I thought it must be nighttime there. Everybody asleep. So far away. Here I am, jobless, homeless but not at all lost in the heart of Tuscany. I am truly grateful. And while I could congratulate myself for taking on such a journey solo, it really couldn't have happened without the support of friends and family. (And Uncle Sam.) I would be lost if I really felt like I was on my own.

I do think about the things I want but can't have (my glasses!! sadness!) and of course money is a daily issue since I am unemployed... but then I think about all that I do have and I find myself very happy. I have the luxury of not being bored, not being in a rut, every day is my own. Grateful, happy and FREE!

And then a slew of Japanese tourists flooded up the stairs to my oasis and ruined- just RUINED- my day.

(Just kidding.)